Tag: marriage’

Sex after baby

 - by Sarah Lipoff

We love our partners, there wouldn’t be a new baby in our lives if we didn’t, and only so long the inevitable can be put off.  Plenty of time for recovery has taken place, the baby is starting to nap regularly and life is getting back to normal (if that’s possible).  It’s time to get busy. Yup, time to hit the sheets.

Ah, sex, the forbidden topic.  Sex is pretty much the last thing on your mind after having a baby.  The memories of the labor experience are still fresh in the mind and the idea of any other action in the nether region is a bit daunting.  Will it be painful?  Are things going to feel different?  Am I ready?

Here’s the thing, when you are ready you can still have a great sex life after having a baby, either after delivering vaginally or by c-section.  The most important thing is to jump back in the pool when YOU are ready.  If your partner was around for any part of the delivery, they got a big glimpse of what the birthing experience was like for you.  This should give them some understanding of how you need to heal, and (hopefully) have some understanding for your lack of enthusiasm.  If you had any tearing, or an episiotomy during birth, it needs to heal before partaking in any sexual activities.

I am going to be real honest.  My husband was there for the whole birth of our daughter and it was absolutely awesome to have him be such a large part of the experience.  He saw the pain, the blood, and the whole shebang.  I was absolutely amazed that he was ready to get back in action just a few weeks after our baby was born, but, he is a man after all.  I explained there was no way anyone was going anywhere near that area of my body, not now, not for a while, maybe not ever!

My hormones were raging, which is normal.  I was also still bleeding, which is normal.  My breasts hurt and were swollen from breastfeeding, which is normal.  And I was exhausted from lack of sleep, adjusting to breastfeeding every 2 hours, keeping a house clean, and just living in general.  Having a newborn is lots of work, and it can take its toll on other aspects of one’s life.  Sex was definitely not high on my list.  But, I knew it was for my husband.

After my 6-week check-up I was given the thumbs up and told to take it slow, use lots of lubrication, and make sure to have some fore-play.  It seemed so awkward hearing sex suggestions from my OGBYN, who just weeks ago brought my daughter in to the world.  She could read the trepidation all over my face and basically told me to just do it.  So I did.

It might hurt.  You aren’t going to probably be really into it, and there is a big chance you will have some bleeding afterwards.  But it is important to not forget that sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing.  Take the time to bring it back into your life.  It is important for you, your partner, and the continuation of your relationship.  Just because you have a new baby doesn’t mean you can’t get busy every once in a while.

Oh, and one last thought to leave you with.  Make sure to use birth control.  Unless you are ready to go down that path again.

My life is not a Kay Jewelry commercial

 - by Sarah Lipoff

Last night it happened. The commercial came on and both my husband and I groaned. Every Kiss Begins with Kay. It’s that time of year again – every kiss begins with Kay is pushed down my throat making me realize over and over again that my life is not a Kay Jewelry commercial.

There’s a new one this year – and it is my absolute favorite!  Do you know the one I am talking about? Have you seen it? If you haven’t you probably don’t own a TV.

I don’t even know people like that – the ones in the commercial – or I’m just not friends with them. My husband isn’t going to hide a perfectly wrapped Kay Jewelers’ package under the tree to pull out at 3 am on Christmas morning to present to me as I look perfectly cozy while feeding the perfectly quiet (yet awake at 3 am) baby for our first Christmas as a perfect new family.

WOW. And I thought airbrushing models was bad for developing girls’ images of women. This blows young couples’ images of their lives to hell. Totally unobtainable.

But jewelry solves all problems, right? We women go mad with love and happiness when presented with some little sparkly thing.

What about the happiness one has when they finally sit down on the couch with a glass of wine after putting the screaming baby to bed (and she’s actually fallen asleep) and your adoring but not-really-helping-all-the-time partner or husband gives you a kiss and rubs your shoulders as you realize you didn’t even get a chance to shower, and you really do smell, but you don’t care because you are happy. I want to see that happiness expressed in a commercial.

So I’m totally looking forward to seeing the commercial over and over during the Holiday Season. At least it will remind me that my life is definitely not a Kay Jewelry commercial – and I am really okay with that.