*This is in response to the writing prompt: Someone has stolen something from you (or your character). Something of tremendous value. What will you do to get it back? Or will you give up?
I’ve spent a long time doing this. During the first couple of years with you I was fine adjusting and moving about to fit your construct. I was okay changing myself and fitting my ideals into the interesting nooks and crannies. It was a completely different mold. I had been a big square for years, and you were for sure an organic form.
I’ve always taken pride in my ability to speak my mind and share with others my viewpoints, silly notions, and impressions of the world. I’ve been called idealistic, hippie-istic, and artistic. I wore all those labels with pride on my sleeve for others to see and touch as they walked by.
I didn’t mind the stares, the questions or inquisitions. This was how I was raised – to sit around a round table, battle, squabble, banter, and conclude. Those previous skirmishes were won with love, compassion, excitement, understanding, and endearment.
With vivid memory I remember saying no. I remember the moment I stood my ground and stated my strong opinion. I remember the sly smile on your face as it tried reconstructing while crumbling in disbelief at my misconduct.
The giddy-ripple that built within me proved my response was correct. My inner being had popped the cork of the champagne hiding for years in the fridge and was desperately grabbing at any clean glass ready to pour. My heart was pounding out of my chest making me feel my face was pulsating showcasing my emotions for everyone to see.
In no less than a second you had already moved on. Your thoughts had progressed from my pathetic being. I was not in your crosshairs, just another thing that was insignificant.
You had made me feel special – important, a golden child. But, in that moment, you made me feel no less than a garden worm in compost – important in the plan but useless for show.
I found you to be compelling, unconditional, and endearing. For years I was loyal (like a dog). I’d suffered harm from much worse that had left scars. Your one moment of searing disdain was enough to completely cloud the sky.
Pain was quick and deep. But in time, had become something that waxed and waned without tucking itself in at night. Instead, it hid in the closet waiting to visit late at night. I was determined to continue – to move on.
Salvation came in the grasp of a small hand reminding me of me. The cutting reality that another took self-worth away from me stung greater than any verbal slap received. How I had allowed another to make me feel any less than whom and what I am was inept, inexcusable, and incomprehensible.
I look back at that moment years ago and hover above myself as I cried and cried and cried. I could blame it on hormones, or just giving birth to a healthy child after all that turmoil, but now I understand I learned in that moment how to say no.
And, as much as at that instant in my life it seemed like the absolute worst thing ever, I now realize if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am today. As much as at that moment I thought with gut-churning pain I had thought you had taken something away from me, I hadn’t realized you had given me something so absolutely wonderful.
I was too focused on your rejection to understand.
That, without you,
I had found me.
And, now I see the sky.