Healthful Mondays: It’s okay to say no

*this picture really doesn’t have much to do with this post, but I do love cupcakes and couldn’t resist.

It has been a long time coming. I’m happy with my life. I’m glad with what I’m doing and how I got here. I haven’t used anyone to get ahead, talked nasty, or trash-talked. And, along with that, I’ve gained a new life.

And, with that new life, I’ve learned how to say “no.”

I once had someone who I really respected (at that time) tell me that she wasn’t willing to continue working with me because I didn’t follow her lead – didn’t fit into her mold. I was so hurt by her comments because I had put so much trust in her, so much time. Then, my husband told me it was time to let go. That it was okay to say “no.”

And I did

And everything changed

I still have a really hard time saying “no” to adults. I have no problem telling my child “no” when the time is right. I think I understand that saying “no” to a child is something that only needs to be done in situations of emergency or extreme importance and it is not to be over used. But, when it comes to looking an adult in the eye and saying “no” – even a sugar-coated “no” – is still a bit hard for me.

You see, the guilt factor comes into play. Who am I to say “no” to a friend in need – that really could help themselves? How can I say “no” to someone who needs some extra time (which I know may end up taking all my time). What am I thinking saying “no” in the first place, right? I should be able to accommodate, help, assist, provide, entertain, and lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it, right?! RIGHT???!!!

No. I can’t.

And I won’t.

Sometimes tough love is the best love. This is hard to stick by, but sometimes offering no help is the best help. Sometimes it’s best to put first what is the most important, and sometimes that is you. You come first, and then whatever you find important next, and then next, and then next.

Hey, friends are great and all, but my family is definitely at the top of my list. I have to say “no” when they are put in harm’s way or when my time is going to be wasted. I have to say “no” when I think I may not be the best person to offer help, but that a professional or other loved ones may be better. I have to say “no” when I know by saying “yes” I will be led down a path that will drag me down down down into a bad place. I have to say “no” when I don’t think I am being asked to help for the right reasons.

So, the other day when another situation arose where I would’ve usually said “yes” (and there would have been bad results and things would have gone awry and I would’ve eventually become too involved and sucked in and ended up in a bad way), I said “no.”

And, everything is just fine, the world didn’t implode, things didn’t fall from the sky, and I went on with my day.

It’s okay to say “no.”

One thought on “Healthful Mondays: It’s okay to say no

  1. I had finally gotten a handle on my fear of saying no a few years ago and felt free to make a decision to help or not, get involved or not, based on what was best for me and/or the situation.

    And then we moved to a new city that might as well be on Mars. I don’t have family nearby, not a lot of friends, and those I do have have very little in common with me.

    I now find myself saying no less often. I know it comes from this adolescent desire to fit in and be liked and yet I keep nodding my head and smiling anyways.

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